Pay it Forward and Other Stuff

Just in my last post I mentioned that God always provides.  Yesterday, I was on our neighborhood page and saw a post from a woman (I have no idea who she is, where she lives, nothing) that was asking someone to help her make masks.  She said she had tried and had all the supplies but just couldn't figure it out.  I messaged her and said I would be more than happy to help her.  She dropped off her supplies (Some left me a little puzzled) I made her a handful of masks and let her know she could come pick them up.  She told me to keep any of the supplies I might need.  So, I graciously accepted her elastic.  Again God provides!!!  Please keep paying it forward.
Today has been a hard day.  The last few days have been hard.  Ever since the news came on Friday that we wouldn't be returning to school I just haven't been able to get out of a funk.  There is no graceful way to say this... I'm mad, I'm sad, and I am ANGRY.
I reached out to a good friend and he mentioned that this is all part of the grieving process of all the loss in our lives right not.  Yes, great but what do we do about it now?
I'm trying really hard to stay positive about everything, looking out for those around me.  Sometimes I feel like my care is starting to backfire.  I'm so busy giving it away and feel frustrated being alone.  I'm trying to keep myself as well as the boys as busy as possible but eventually you run out of ideas.  I want noting more than to return to normal but... our normal will never really be normal again.  It's a new normal that seems scary!  Just to go out to the store yesterday I had to prepare.  I headed out with a detailed list (I only wanted to make one trip), no purse, my face mask and a baseball cap.  I looked a bit suspicious!!!  The guy who checked me out joked and tried to make lite telling me he was sure there was a beautiful smile behind that mask he could see it in my eyes.  It's amazing what people can now see in ones eyes.
I was very surprised the number of children I saw out in Costco (Maybe I'm being so strict with this) I was also surprised how some people really practiced social distancing and others still get right in your face.  I guess I've always been a rule follower, maybe that's what frustrated me most.  I'm following the rules (risking my own sanity) and others just don't care.  I'm sorry people but lets end this!!!
Okay, so I realize I've jumped all over the place with this post (This is what happens when I can't shut off my mind)  I wanted to share some things I found on the web... (https://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html)
Grief is something many of us are feeling.  During this we have all experienced loss.  Maybe it's a loved one, maybe it's a job, maybe it's a hobby, it can be so many things.  Here are the stages of grief:

Shock and Denial

Pain and Guilt

Anger and bargaining

"Depression" reflection and loneliness

The Upward Turn

Reconstruction and Working through

Acceptance and Hope

Any and all of these feelings are okay. No matter what your loss looks like it's okay to feel this way.  These were some of the suggestions my friend had for me to share.

Human connection is key 

(seeing people through a window or at a distance such as two picnics 10 feet apart can be nice)

Get out in Nature

Do kind things for others

I can say I've felt these feelings.  I desperately want to see my sister and my new niece.  It breaks my heart that I can't help her during this time.  I want a last opportunity to hug each of my students.  I want to go on the vacation my boys and I had planned for June.  I want my boys to have play dates and see their friends.  I want to walk into Barre3 and give myself 60 mins uninterrupted.  I know these things are temporary but it doesn't make it easier.  It's okay to not be okay!  Continue to be there for others, pray for others.  Let people know you care, one day at a time.