Recent Challenge

Recently and when I say recently I actually mean 6 months or so ago I was challenged by a friend to just write whatever comes to mind for 15 minutes. Set the timer and GO.  I shouldn't stop and think or filter what I'm saying because I might say too much or say to little.  I've thought about this a lot and thought about all the things I might say and then I fear being exposed or becoming vulnerable.  Believe it or not being vulnerable is very scary for me (even thought I'm a pretty open person) it opens me up for hurt.  Usually when I blog I have a topic in mind and just write without rereading or thinking about it but I stick to a topic.  I never just let my mind wondered to other things.  I think I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea.  Because the reality is that whatever I say can't scare someone off that doesn't want to be scared off, right?  So, wait for it, but believe I wont be advertising this blog post on social media you'll have to check back for it.  I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be my most read post!!!! Maybe YOU would consider taking the challenge too? Happy Monday

Success Story

17 years ago today i put on white and made a promise that i'd forever love.  I kept that promise until it shattered my life into so many pieces that no matter what i tried i couldn't put them back together.  And today i wouldn't ever want to put them back together because the person i am today is stronger and more confident.  At first my story may sound dramatic and one of a weak women but the strength i have found in it is incredible.  I know my worth and what i deserve and i'm not going to stop until i get it.  And i'm going to continue to tell every women (and every man that will listen) they deserve nothing but amazing things. 

I maybe guarded at first because of my past and fearful to let you in because of my hurt, i may even give weak hugs or refuse to look you in the eye until i'm certain,  But, when i'm certain i'll let you in and never turn my back on you.

Last night over a couple bottles of wine i sat in my kitchen with two other women.  We all have a different story but all have younger children that we love immensely in common.  We started by chatting about our children and the challenges we face as mothers especially here in the Naperville area.  The one woman asked me about my divorce and what led to it.  I openly shared my story but also told her that, that story has made me the woman i am now.  I am stronger and better for it, and i'd even live it all again.  I then explained that even after being told that no one would ever want me because i was used up and nothing but a mother of 3, that that's not true.  We all have a story and we all have insecurities but it's what we do with those insecurities.  Don't let anyone determine your worth. 

I don't know what my end story is going to look like.  I don't know when it's going to be written but what i do know is that the stories not over yet and the best chapters are yet to come.  I don't know who the characters will be besides my boys and i but, i know we'll be there and i'll do everything i can to make it amazing.

I received a text this morning that said, thank you for your hospitality, your success story needed to be heard.  At first i wouldn't call it a success story but the more i think about it, it is my own success story one of confidence, bravery and love for myself.

Friends on the RUN

So, it's simple... I can't take another friend telling me that they're thinking of moving.  These are the women who have held me up and walked me through some very hard times.  Let me start at the beginning. 
I have an incredible group of women in my life.  Some are pre kid friends, some are teacher friends, and some are mommy friends.  These women have walked with me through my journey over the last 15+ years.  They've become my family (since i have none here)  Each of them are beautiful and unique in their own ways.  And a few of them are trying to get away.
One of my biggest cheerleaders has been my bestie Cassie.  She and i met about 9 years or so ago when my oldest and her youngest went to My Gym together.  I was a new mommy and had no idea what i was doing (i swore i'd be a 'perfect' mom and do everything right) I decided to sign Micah up for a gym class so i could meet some other moms.  Instantly Charlie, Cassies son caught my eye. He was fearless, my Micah was much more timid.  I can't remember if Cassie or Charlie approached us but we started chatting.  I later heard her talking about a pre school or a PDO program that she was sending Charlie to in the fall.  I quickly chimed in and asked about the school.  Fast forward to the fall (i found that school and signed Micah up for one day a week) there Cassie was waiting in line to pick Charlie up.  We started to chat, let me just make a disclaimer CASSIE DIDN'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND.  She even told me this to my face.  But, with my charm and personality she couldn't resist and we quickly became friends.  I owe her so much for the woman and mother that i am today.  She pushed me outside my comfort zone and encouraged me to be me and not to care what others thought.  Without her i wouldn't be full of that fun spunk that so many love.  She has been cheering me on and encouraging me from the beginning and held my hand when it felt like i didnt know how i'd get through.  Charlie and Micah have become incredible friends as well and when they're together it's like no time has passed.  Charlie has become a 4th son to me and i love having him around.  A couple weeks ago i saw a post on facebook that she posted about the Carolina's  (now, if you know Cass this is normal and i thought nothing of it) Then while i was driving Charlie home from a play date he dropped the bomb on me.  When i arrived at their house i asked Jeff, are you moving?  He kind of laughter and said, maybe.  Wait, WHAT?  Why are you doing this, Why are you leaving me.  I texted Cass and she said the same.  To be honest i thought this idea would fade away and we'd live happily ever after as friends in ILLINOIS.  Well, this weekend they are headed out of town to 'check' things out.  Seriously!  Not only will i be broken hearted but so will Micah.
Second, we have Sahana.  It's already confirmed that they're moving and leaving us behind.  We've only been friends for the last 2+ years.  It was a quick friendship.  My middle and her only were both in kindergarten together and became friends fast.  We have a weekly standing play date that all the boys look forward to.  Sahana has been a great source of encouragement and consistency for me and my boys.  She has worked so hard to create a special bond with my oldest.  He can sometimes be very unsure of new people and of their intentions and is a bit standoffish.  He really enjoys her company and considers her a friend too.  There family has been a safe zone for all of us.  Even when the boys are with their dad i spend a lot of time with them.  Sahana and i often run errands together on Saturday mornings.  Things just wont be the same once they move to the Bay area. 
Then today, another one of my friends told me she's considering a big move (the details aren't out yet so i'll keep what i know to myself) But, her family has also become my family. 
These will all be great places to vacation and get away with the boys but i want these women a car ride away not a flight away.  I know that i'm being selfish and want what i want... but ultimately i want whats best for their families
I guess if i had it my way i'd move too.  But, that's not an option for me anytime soon so i'll just have to continue to build family through friends.