If We're Honest

The Fray - Look after you

My at home Barre3 Workout

So, if you know me even just a little you know that my 60 minute Barre3 workouts are what keep me grounded.  I can walk into the studio with stress, worry and burdens, I leave feeling confident, strong, physically and mentally better.

Let me back up...

We woke up and started our normal morning routine.  I made breakfast, the boys snuggled on the couch watching TV.  After breakfast we got ready for the day.  The boys set up their chrome books, Micah was able to log into his google classroom and got right to work (Such a first born) Noah had a list of assignments to check off, I helped him navigate his assignments and was in charge of the timer.  Josiah on the other had didn't really have much of anything.  So, I put my teacher hat on and started to come up with some assignments.  This was a lot harder than one would think. (tomorrow will be better).  

By about 11:30 we needed a break.  I NEEDED a break!  So I told the boys I would be starting my online Barre3 class soon.  If they wanted to join me that would be fine, they just needed to be respectful and not get in the way (I know mother of the year right here)  Two of the three gathered their supplies, weights, mat, ball, sliders.  I started the video.... no more than 5 minutes later balls were flying.  I tried to calmly ask them to participate or leave.  They continued... Within minutes everyone was banned to their rooms.  I finished my workout...listening to screaming between the rooms, stomping on the floor, someone calling someone else a toilet.... that was the longest 60 minute workout ever!!!  The workout ended with me lying on my mat crying and laughing all at the same time.  And... Toilet, really that's the worst you could come up with...

Tomorrow will be better.

We will figure this out.

I will figure this out.

Everyone has eaten and is now banished to the basement for the next hour so I can clean the kitchen.  Hang in there parents even the teachers want back in the classroom!!! And a side note to all the parents that have this all figured out, that's amazing please give the rest of us Grace.

12 Verses for Women

Below are 12 Bible verses ALL women should know and hear.  I found these on Christianbook.com

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
– Jeremiah 29:13 [ESV]

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future
– Proverbs 31:25 [NLT]

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
– Psalms 19:14 [ESV]

He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge
– Psalm 91:4 [NKJV]

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain.
– 1 Corinthians 15:10 [ESV]

Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her
– Luke 1:45 [NIV]

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
– Psalm 139:14 [KJV]

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it
– Proverbs 4:23 [NIV]

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
– Proverbs 31:26 [ESV]

You are altogether beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you
– Song of Solomon 4:7 [NIV]

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity
–  1 Timothy 4:12 [ESV]

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
– Ephesians 2:10 [NLT]

Niall Horan turned Hockey Night

Last Wednesday night I was sound asleep when my phone continuously went off.  Usually I just ignore it and keep sleeping.  I decided to pick it up.  It was my good friend and neighbor Sarah.  We are the kind of friends that don't hang out often or don't make plans to.  She's the friend you bump into at the pool or out on a bike ride and then end up on her patio drinking wine while the kids run around like crazy.  Then you wonder why we didn't do it sooner.  She's always there for me when I do call upon her and vice versa.  

Back to Wednesday, she asked... want to go see Niall Horan?  I need to know soon so I can change plans? It's this Saturday.  I said sure count me in, I have no plans.  Saturday came around, so after soccer I called her and asked what time she wanted me to pick her up.  She said lets say 5:30.  So, I picked her up at 5:30.  We headed out to Allstate Arena, parked the car (I did question her why there were so many children, and wondered why they weren't left at home)  We walked in, she had the tickets in her hand, she insisted that printing them was best.  I didn't ask questions I was just along for the ride.  We approached check in,  the woman in front of us was confused because she couldn't find her husband but she had his ticket in hand.  The man was flustered with her and scanned our tickets .  She kept trying to talk to him which causes confusion.  He did say that one of our tickets didn't scan but then he said forget it, just go.  So, we went.

We walked in, I could tell something was off.  I walked ahead of Sarah and turned around and said, 'Ummm There is ice out there. Are we at the right place?"  She said they let us in.  Then I said let me see those tickets.  She said, see it says  Saturday... I followed up with MAY 9th!!!! We burst into laughter.  I needed those laughs so bad.  She and I wondered trying to figure out what we should do next.  We then decided to find our seats, that way we would know exactly where we were headed on MAY 9th!!!  After the players all made there way onto the ice and the game was underway we decided it was to cold for us.  Eventually home we headed.  

If i'm honest with myself, I love Niall Horan but his music always takes me to a sentimental place.  I probably wasn't exactly ready to sit there for a few hours and listen anyways.  Below you will find one of my favorites. 

My Mountain... Maybe just a Hill

Let me start by saying that this is my mountain i understand that it's a hill for some but it feels like its just hill after hill more me.  It's mine and i'm allowed to feel all the emotions that come with it.
Last Wednesday, I left school feeling nervous and scared.  I'd been through this before and assured my friends I would be just fine driving myself.  I arrived early, because that's just what I do.  I sat in the parking lot praying that my mountain would be a simple walk this time.  They called me back, I changed into one of their pink tie shirts.  I then sat and waited in a silent room with other women.  I wondered where they were in their journey.  No one making eye contact.  Again they called me back.  They led me to an ultrasound room where the procedure would take place.  The ultrasound tech introduced herself and said she's be assisting the doctor.
There were two spots they planned to biopsy.  One at 2 o'clock and another at about 6 o'clock.  I actually found the one myself months earlier.  But, since I had just had a lump removed in the same area in December 2017 I didn't really think much of it.  Back to Wednesday... I laid on the table while I waited for the doctor to come in.  She talked through what was going to take place and said she'd start by numbing the area.  This was more painful that I recalled.  She then began to retrieve samples from the first area.  Then attempting to reach he second from the first entry point.  She was unsuccessful, so she nicked the skin again.  I laid there the whole time with tears rolling down my face as I felt the hot blood running down my rib cage.  With ever click of the biopsy tool I closed my eyes tighter.  Eventually they were done.  They changed my top and sent me back out in the waiting room.
While waiting in that room there was now a women in there on her phone.  She was clearly a patients mother, discussing what she was going to make her tired and hungry daughter for dinner.  I then realized I still had to make a dinner plan for my tired and hungry children.  They called me back again to have a follow up mammogram.  This is just inhumane.  Again out to the waiting room I went.  This woman was still on her phone.  At this point Iwanted to scream at her to hang up and have a little respect.
I was waiting for the doctor to read the mammogram and send me on my way.  The nurse came out and said I could leave leading me to the changing room.  I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  I changed as quickly as I could and walked myself to the car.  As I reached the car I broke into tears.  I called a friend on the way home to keep me calm.
I arrived home deciding the just pick up dinner.  I picked up dinner for the boys and realized i was in a lot more pain than I thought I would be.  Finally around 7 the boys were picked up and i was able to try and rest.
I woke the next morning with a plan to work.  My co-worked texted me and I said yes I would be in.  I was sore but i would be there.  I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom and that's when I realized I bled quite a bit over night.  I cleaned myself up and still felt that work was the best place for me.  I wanted to be around people and my students that I love so much.  That evening when I removed all the bandages I was shocked at the condition i was left it.  The bruising was beyond anything I expected.
Fast forward to Friday... We had morning meeting for an in service.  I was still sore but in good spirits.  I had finally slept well the night before.  During my meeting I missed a phone call from my doctor.  She left me a message saying she'd like me to call her at my earliest opportunity.  So, that's just what I did.  I left a message.  I actually called back probably 4 times before 5pm.  I then realized I wouldn't be hearing anything until Monday.  I convinced myself that she was just calling to see how I was doing.
Monday morning my phone rang and i quickly answered it.  It was the doctor.  She said so, your one lump is benign.  The other one is an intraductal papilloma.  This still means very little to me.  She said that these growths can cause for higher risk of breast cancer.  Again i still don't fully understand.  She said she wants me to go see the surgeon to have it removed.  Occasionally she said they watch these for growth but mine is pretty big and needs to come out. She also said I couldn't see my previous surgeon but instead wants me to see someone different.
I'm just feeling frustrated because this is yet another surgery.  I am terrible at asking for help and don't open up easily letting others in.  Not having family in the area requires me to ask for help. Things like this push me way out of my comfort zone.  I just want life to settle a little for me.
I know that this seems like a hill to many, and I also realize that others are facing mountains right now, but... that doesn't mean it's not scary for me.  One thing that is always true is change.  It may seem dark right now but the sun always comes out again.  God is faithful and he ALWAYS provides.