Thankful but Bittersweet

 As this school year is starting to come to an end, I'm feeling a lot of emotions.  I'm so thankful that we've made it to the end this year.  I am thankful that each day I have been able to walk into my classroom.  I am thankful for the 15 sets of smiling eyes that greet me each morning.  This year I will say goodbye to my tiny best friends on May 27th, coincidently it's also my Birthday.

Nine months ago I received a list with 15 names on it.  I knew very little about each child. As soon as I received my class list I began to pray over each child.  Knowing that as they grew (and I grew with them) we would have great days and days we needed to work a little harder.  In my heart I grew a love for each child.  I look forward to seeing them each day and hearing what they have to share with me.  I know many of their likes and dislikes, I know just how to create an activity to engage them all similarly but differently. No two students have the same needs and I am really good at reading those needs and meeting them just where they are.  I know how to "push" each child lovingly outside of their comfort zone to grow just a little.  It might just be a kind word, or a look on my face.... because just like I know them so well, they know me VERY well too.

Recently a mom told me that she has seen her son grow so much over the past year, she expressed her gratitude to me.  But, in reality her son has also changed me.  She said he brings so much of what he sees in the classroom from me back home with him.  The fact that these parents trust me each day with their children is so rewarding.  They trust me to love and educate their children during such a tender time.  I truly believe what we do during the early years sets a foundation for a love of learning.  

This year I have especially created a love in my students for all things SCIENCE, MATH, Building and decoding words.  They have actually challenged me this year to expand my lessons to meet their thirst for learning.  Nothing compares to the wonder I see in their little eyes. (They truly thing I am AMAZING, and I'll take it)

The other day I was asked what is it exactly that I do for a "job".  Well teacher comes with a lot of different hats.  But usually the first thing I say is I create wonder and a thirst to seek more.  I am a nurse when they are hurt, I am hug when they are sad, I am a remodel of respect, I am a fixer of all problems, I help them see things from someone else perspective, I can make all learning fun, I spend hours writing lessons and coming up with plans, I can make just about anything into a song but not always in tune.  Oh and I can move to the shuffle like no other.  There is so much more to teaching then getting up in front of a group kids and telling them what they need to know.

This year will be bittersweet, I'm thankful that we've made it to the end but I'm sad that it's ending.  I know next year I will receive a new list and I'll fall in love with each of them and learn their likes and dislikes.  I'm just hopeful I'll stay in their hearts just the way they'll forever stay in mine.  I've actually stayed in touch with a few of my original students (pre babies) and those relationships I'm so thankful for.

Jireh

Earlier this week one of my coworkers stopped me in the hall and said, I need to send you this song.  Every time I hear it I think of you.  It's a song I've heard many times before and I didn't ask why exactly I come to mind when she hears it.  I guess the only thing I can come up with is, I'm always content no matter what life throws my way.  I may drop to my knees but quickly realize I have to get back up trust God and keep moving forward.  He will NOT fail me... he hasn't yet

Over the last few weeks I realized and accepted that no one is going to take care of me but myself.  I have to take control and figure it all out for myself (If someone joins me along the way that will just be an extra bonus)  That leads me to a decision I made a little over a week ago about taking steps forward for me.  So, yet again I'm throwing another ball into the air and will juggle yet another thing.  And you know what?!?!? I'm going to do it with grace and beauty and come out on top... watch and see.  The only way to grow myself is to step outside of my comfort zone.  This summer is going to be a little crazy but... beautiful!

Half Birthdays are a Thing...

 Half Birthday's are a thing in my house.  I love creating traditions with the boys, ones that they can look forward to.  For as long as I can remember probably since Micah was 2, I've been baking cupcakes in ice cream cones for the boys 1/2 Birthdays.  Today is Micah's 1/2 Birthday (13 1/2) and when I mentioned to him that I'd be making cupcakes in ice cream cones for him today he said... I'm kind of busy.  I'll be honest, this broke my heart.  I said okay.  But, tonight as I sit in an empty kitchen I'm baking cupcakes in ice cream cones.  Maybe it's just for me, and it makes me feel "special" or maybe I'll use the excuse that its for me the celebration that my birthday is one month from today.  Side note... this is my last year in my 30's.  Yikes!  

Things A Man Oughta Know

My insecurity

 We all have insecurities it's just how we wear them and face them.  It's those little things we lack confidence in.  Well, late last year I decided I was done with one of mine and I was going to face it head on.  So, that's exactly what I did.  I admitted I didn't like my teeth and the gap on the side that I noticed every time I looked in the mirror.  I decided to look into fixing it and little did I know it was going to be much easier and quicker than I expected.  With that being said I have finished my Invisalign journey.  I couldn't be happier with my smile and am so thankful I admitted I didn't like it and I wanted to change it.  Most people had no idea I was even on the journey.  It's okay to want change and to make it happen.

Hold On To Me

This song hits very close to home.  Music is how I feel many of my emotions.  When you feel alone reach out your hand, He is always there to hold on to you.  Even when you don't feel worthy, He finds you perfect.

She's a Rare Find

 So, earlier today someone said to me... You are a rare find.  I thought for a second and said Thank you I think!  Let me go back a bit, I spent my day mulching the yard.  When the mulch was delivered this morning I was a little in shock and forgot how much they usually drop.  But, what was i going to do but get to work.  

So, I went to barre to get my energy going and came home and worked for over 4 hours spreading the mulch.  I was completely covered in it from head to toe.  My poor fingers won't be the same for a long time. But, with that being said there is a pride that comes along with doing hard work.

If I've learned anything over these last 6 years of being alone, it would be Girl get your butt in there because no one else is going to do it for you.  And I'm really proud of all the things I have figured out or learned over the years.  I've fixed (Or solved the mystery) a leaky shower, changed a blower motor in my car, multiple filters, maintain all my yard work, the list just goes on and on.  Before I was alone I would have always asked for help.  Now, I panic for a moment sometimes even cry, then but on my big girl panties and get to work. YouTube is amazing and SO helpful.

I love everything about the person I have become.  I love being a mom, and a teacher but, if I'm honest somedays I do wish I could say tag you're it.  I CAN do it ALL, I really can.  But, I don't want to everyday.

I am real, passionate and have a great love to give.  I know when it's time to get dirty and put in the hard work but I also know when it is time to give myself grace and  slowdown.  This weekend I'm hoping to find some grace in my days and give myself a refresh from the chaos of life.

Back to the rare find... I'm not exactly sure what was meant by the statement because I didn't ask more but my guess would be the above.  I'll never stop trying and give up, I'll always be loving and supportive and help anyway I can.  I can go from covered in mulch to full makeup, heels and sassy dress in a matter of 30 minutes.  

(This post was originally posted to DatingLikeAMother)

Toffee Chocolate Chunk Cookies

 A day like today is perfect for baking.  I absolutely love to bake, heck I like to be in the kitchen period.  It's the heart of the home and lately the fastest way to my boys hearts.  As my boys grow older they "need" me less and this has been a great struggle for me recently. One of the way's I feel I can connect with them is by cooking and baking for them.  (I do somedays feel like the house maid/cook)  But, I guess if this is what they need from me I'm willing to give it to them.  So today I baked one of my favorite cookie recipes.  Toffee Chocolate Chunk Cookies... if I've made them for you, you know all about their yumminess.  In my opinion they are super simple and absolutely worth the 30 mins or so they take to prep and bake. You can also 1/2 the recipe as they full recipe makes 45 cookies!

Toffee Chocolate Chunk Cookies

Recipe Credit: Christmas Baking by: Joyce and Laura Klynstra

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1/2 cup sugar

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs, room temperature

1 tablespoon Vanilla extract

2 1/2 cups flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

8 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

1 1/2 cups toffee bites (I use heath bars chopped)

Preheat over to 350 F

In a medium bowl (I throw mine in the mixer) beat butter and sugars for 3 minutes, until light and fluffy.  Add eggs and vanilla and beat until combined

In a small mixing bowl, combine flour, salt, and baking soda.  Add to the butter mixture and beat until combined.

Using a rubber spatula, stir in chopped chocolate and toffee bites.

Scoop dough onto cookie sheet with a cookie scoop. (I use a 1 1/2 Tbsp scoop)  Leave 2 inches space around each scoop.

Bake just until cookies are light brown on the edges but still gooey in the center, about 9-11 minutes.  Allow cookies to cool on the pan for about 5 minutes before transferring them to a cooking rack.  (This is also a yummy dough to freeze for later)

Nothing compares to warm homemade cookies.  They're not perfectly round but perfectly baked!!! Enjoy!

Edith Sofia

 

Edith Sofia turned one on the 25th of March!  I can't believe how quickly this year has gone and that I've gotten such little time with her.  Being an Auntie to a niece is SO much fun!  Of course for her Birthday I had to get her, her very first baby doll and buggy.  This was close to my heart because I was a baby doll girl, and loved all things mamma.  When we first pulled the baby out of the box she wanted nothing to do with it.  But, as I sat with her holding the baby gently and softly speaking to the baby she quickly began to mimic me.  By the time I left she was quite the mamma in training.  She better get ready because baby sister is coming this August.  

Edith, Auntie loves you and I can't wait to make many girly memories with you!

Enough

Many of you know me on the surface but if you really dig deeper and sit long enough for me to open up you know that I have experienced a lot of heart break over my 38 almost 39 years.  I understand that we all experience heart break and its inevitable.  I just don't always understand the purpose in this, I know there is always a time and purpose for it all... but why?  

Heart Break comes in many different forms.  It can be in the loss of a loved one, health issues, friendship dissolutions, unexpected endings, failed attempts, growth and change.  They all result in some form of heart break.  What do we do with this heart break and how do we recover.  Well, the only thing I know how to do in these times in turn to my faith.  

I have lived darker days that I would like to shut out, as many of you have too.  These days leave you wondering what you did wrong, what you could have said differently and how to fix it.  If you're like me, you just want to fix the problem and move on. I recently decided that it's time for me to stop brushing these feelings under the rug and face them head on.  Step toward them knowing, I did enough and I am enough.  

I think maybe I wasn't really fixing them but putting Band-Aids on them.  Telling myself to STOP feeling all the emotions that come with these heart breaks.  Telling myself that feeling sad was a weakness and that there was somehow something wrong with me for feeling this way.  I need to forgive myself and take steps forward.

So, that leads me to my new devotional.  It's a 30 day healing from a broken heart God's way.  (Don't worry I won't get all preachy on you)  I currently have so many blessings in my life that I believe healing myself from past hurt will only help me live more in the presence and not in my past hurt.

Day 1: Forgive Myself

Day 2: Forgive those who hurt you

Day 3: Focus on what you have, not what you lost

Day 4: Life keeps going

Day 5: God's Love is ENOUGH

That's where I am, One day at a time.  I think the one verse that has really stuck with me (and is now on my mirror) The Lord is close to the broken hearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

The Good will come back to you!

Beyond Proud- Micah's Virtual Zoo Tours

It all began about 13 years ago.  I was a mamma to my first little guy and was not one to sit home.  So, as soon as Micah's first summer hit I was looking for anything and everything to do to get out of the house.  I had a membership to just about every local attraction.... including the zoo.  

On our first visit I can clearly remember taking Micah around pointing out the animals and ending our day in the gift shop (Of course we needed to document this first trip with a souvenir)  So, home we went with our first elephant and giraffe toys.  We then visited the zoo often (As a way to get out of the house) and Micah became more and more interested in learning about the animals that he was seeing.  Eventually he was a little fact machine and knew more about these animals and their habitats than I did.  Now Micah has turned his love for animals and his desire to learn more into a YouTube channel featuring his trips.  He started this over a year ago (and with the pandemic it has been hard) and I love seeing the pride he feels when he completes a video.

I can honestly say watching his videos makes me so proud of him.  I had no idea that me taking him to the zoo (almost weekly) would turn into this.  He often refers to himself as a zoo nerd.  I'm glad he's okay with himself exactly the way he is and I am too.  One thing I always want my children to know is that I want them to be exactly who they are and I will love them no matter what.  

Incase you are interested here is a link to his YouTube page.  Enjoy!

Micah's Virtual Zoo Tours

Never a Dull Moment

 This whole thing started about 12 days ago.  I was rushing out the door with the boys trying to get to school.  As I backed out of the driveway I spotted a squirrel at the top of one of my doorway pillars.  It appeared that he was 'digging' into the dryvit.  I said a few choice words including I'm going to kill that squirrel.  Josiah said, no mom please don't hurt him.  I dropped the boys off and returned home to set the trap in hopes of catching him and stopping him from doing more damage.  

I arrived at school that morning a bit flustered knowing a squirrel was likely eating his way into my home. (Is that even possible, in my irrational mind, especially when it comes to critters... YES it is!) I then received a sweet text from my Josiah that said, Mom I love you so much please don't hurt the squirrel.  I assured him I wouldn't hurt the squirrel but we needed to seal the hole so he wouldn't go inside.

Fast forward to the weekend my friend and her husband came over to save the day.  They arrived with an enormous ladder and sealed off the hole.  I felt a great sense of relief.  The weather all week was yucky so I didn't really check the situation.  From what I could see everything looked great.

Fast forward to today.... My friend said she and her husband would stop by sometime this weekend to check the patch and sand it down (Can I just say I am beyond blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life who love me and help me when a job is to big to handle on my own.)  I was out having lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in years when she texted and said were here, no rush we'll leave when were done. When I arrive home they were gone. I went out the front door to get the mail.  And that was when i heard the noise.  It was a clawing, digging into Styrofoam sound.  I put my ear next to the pillar and my worst fears were confirmed.  Something was trapped inside the pillar.  I'll be honest for a small moment I thought do nothing and let it be.  Then I realized how helpful Steve has been and how much he loves animals.  So I made the phone call.  Within 30 mins they arrived.  We've now cut an exit hole into the pillar, placing parchment paper over the hole.  This will help determine if he comes out.  

My boys took close notes the whole time and are in charge of checking the hole regularly.  I'm in charge of not losing the dryvit replacement piece.  Seriously critters love my house and i don't understand why!  I am not critter friendly at all.  Only time will tell what happens next.