Half Birthdays are a Thing...

 Half Birthday's are a thing in my house.  I love creating traditions with the boys, ones that they can look forward to.  For as long as I can remember probably since Micah was 2, I've been baking cupcakes in ice cream cones for the boys 1/2 Birthdays.  Today is Micah's 1/2 Birthday (13 1/2) and when I mentioned to him that I'd be making cupcakes in ice cream cones for him today he said... I'm kind of busy.  I'll be honest, this broke my heart.  I said okay.  But, tonight as I sit in an empty kitchen I'm baking cupcakes in ice cream cones.  Maybe it's just for me, and it makes me feel "special" or maybe I'll use the excuse that its for me the celebration that my birthday is one month from today.  Side note... this is my last year in my 30's.  Yikes!  

Things A Man Oughta Know

My insecurity

 We all have insecurities it's just how we wear them and face them.  It's those little things we lack confidence in.  Well, late last year I decided I was done with one of mine and I was going to face it head on.  So, that's exactly what I did.  I admitted I didn't like my teeth and the gap on the side that I noticed every time I looked in the mirror.  I decided to look into fixing it and little did I know it was going to be much easier and quicker than I expected.  With that being said I have finished my Invisalign journey.  I couldn't be happier with my smile and am so thankful I admitted I didn't like it and I wanted to change it.  Most people had no idea I was even on the journey.  It's okay to want change and to make it happen.

Hold On To Me

This song hits very close to home.  Music is how I feel many of my emotions.  When you feel alone reach out your hand, He is always there to hold on to you.  Even when you don't feel worthy, He finds you perfect.

She's a Rare Find

 So, earlier today someone said to me... You are a rare find.  I thought for a second and said Thank you I think!  Let me go back a bit, I spent my day mulching the yard.  When the mulch was delivered this morning I was a little in shock and forgot how much they usually drop.  But, what was i going to do but get to work.  

So, I went to barre to get my energy going and came home and worked for over 4 hours spreading the mulch.  I was completely covered in it from head to toe.  My poor fingers won't be the same for a long time. But, with that being said there is a pride that comes along with doing hard work.

If I've learned anything over these last 6 years of being alone, it would be Girl get your butt in there because no one else is going to do it for you.  And I'm really proud of all the things I have figured out or learned over the years.  I've fixed (Or solved the mystery) a leaky shower, changed a blower motor in my car, multiple filters, maintain all my yard work, the list just goes on and on.  Before I was alone I would have always asked for help.  Now, I panic for a moment sometimes even cry, then but on my big girl panties and get to work. YouTube is amazing and SO helpful.

I love everything about the person I have become.  I love being a mom, and a teacher but, if I'm honest somedays I do wish I could say tag you're it.  I CAN do it ALL, I really can.  But, I don't want to everyday.

I am real, passionate and have a great love to give.  I know when it's time to get dirty and put in the hard work but I also know when it is time to give myself grace and  slowdown.  This weekend I'm hoping to find some grace in my days and give myself a refresh from the chaos of life.

Back to the rare find... I'm not exactly sure what was meant by the statement because I didn't ask more but my guess would be the above.  I'll never stop trying and give up, I'll always be loving and supportive and help anyway I can.  I can go from covered in mulch to full makeup, heels and sassy dress in a matter of 30 minutes.  

(This post was originally posted to DatingLikeAMother)

Toffee Chocolate Chunk Cookies

 A day like today is perfect for baking.  I absolutely love to bake, heck I like to be in the kitchen period.  It's the heart of the home and lately the fastest way to my boys hearts.  As my boys grow older they "need" me less and this has been a great struggle for me recently. One of the way's I feel I can connect with them is by cooking and baking for them.  (I do somedays feel like the house maid/cook)  But, I guess if this is what they need from me I'm willing to give it to them.  So today I baked one of my favorite cookie recipes.  Toffee Chocolate Chunk Cookies... if I've made them for you, you know all about their yumminess.  In my opinion they are super simple and absolutely worth the 30 mins or so they take to prep and bake. You can also 1/2 the recipe as they full recipe makes 45 cookies!

Toffee Chocolate Chunk Cookies

Recipe Credit: Christmas Baking by: Joyce and Laura Klynstra

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1/2 cup sugar

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs, room temperature

1 tablespoon Vanilla extract

2 1/2 cups flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

8 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

1 1/2 cups toffee bites (I use heath bars chopped)

Preheat over to 350 F

In a medium bowl (I throw mine in the mixer) beat butter and sugars for 3 minutes, until light and fluffy.  Add eggs and vanilla and beat until combined

In a small mixing bowl, combine flour, salt, and baking soda.  Add to the butter mixture and beat until combined.

Using a rubber spatula, stir in chopped chocolate and toffee bites.

Scoop dough onto cookie sheet with a cookie scoop. (I use a 1 1/2 Tbsp scoop)  Leave 2 inches space around each scoop.

Bake just until cookies are light brown on the edges but still gooey in the center, about 9-11 minutes.  Allow cookies to cool on the pan for about 5 minutes before transferring them to a cooking rack.  (This is also a yummy dough to freeze for later)

Nothing compares to warm homemade cookies.  They're not perfectly round but perfectly baked!!! Enjoy!

Edith Sofia

 

Edith Sofia turned one on the 25th of March!  I can't believe how quickly this year has gone and that I've gotten such little time with her.  Being an Auntie to a niece is SO much fun!  Of course for her Birthday I had to get her, her very first baby doll and buggy.  This was close to my heart because I was a baby doll girl, and loved all things mamma.  When we first pulled the baby out of the box she wanted nothing to do with it.  But, as I sat with her holding the baby gently and softly speaking to the baby she quickly began to mimic me.  By the time I left she was quite the mamma in training.  She better get ready because baby sister is coming this August.  

Edith, Auntie loves you and I can't wait to make many girly memories with you!

Enough

Many of you know me on the surface but if you really dig deeper and sit long enough for me to open up you know that I have experienced a lot of heart break over my 38 almost 39 years.  I understand that we all experience heart break and its inevitable.  I just don't always understand the purpose in this, I know there is always a time and purpose for it all... but why?  

Heart Break comes in many different forms.  It can be in the loss of a loved one, health issues, friendship dissolutions, unexpected endings, failed attempts, growth and change.  They all result in some form of heart break.  What do we do with this heart break and how do we recover.  Well, the only thing I know how to do in these times in turn to my faith.  

I have lived darker days that I would like to shut out, as many of you have too.  These days leave you wondering what you did wrong, what you could have said differently and how to fix it.  If you're like me, you just want to fix the problem and move on. I recently decided that it's time for me to stop brushing these feelings under the rug and face them head on.  Step toward them knowing, I did enough and I am enough.  

I think maybe I wasn't really fixing them but putting Band-Aids on them.  Telling myself to STOP feeling all the emotions that come with these heart breaks.  Telling myself that feeling sad was a weakness and that there was somehow something wrong with me for feeling this way.  I need to forgive myself and take steps forward.

So, that leads me to my new devotional.  It's a 30 day healing from a broken heart God's way.  (Don't worry I won't get all preachy on you)  I currently have so many blessings in my life that I believe healing myself from past hurt will only help me live more in the presence and not in my past hurt.

Day 1: Forgive Myself

Day 2: Forgive those who hurt you

Day 3: Focus on what you have, not what you lost

Day 4: Life keeps going

Day 5: God's Love is ENOUGH

That's where I am, One day at a time.  I think the one verse that has really stuck with me (and is now on my mirror) The Lord is close to the broken hearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

The Good will come back to you!