One Day at a Time

One day at a time, that's what I keep telling myself.  One day... looking at my calendar can feel very daunting with NOTHING on it.  I know that everyone is feeling this way i'm just not afraid to say it.  I've learned to be honest about my life and I'm unapologetic.  I'm miserable and I've cried a lot... A LOT!!!  I feel completely alone and crave outside interaction.  I feel like in the last couple months everything and i mean everything with the exception of my three amazing boys, has been taken from me.  It wasn't even slowly it was all at once. ( I know I'm not alone in this but it sure does feel like it)  You love him... I'll take that.  You love your classroom... Take it away.  Your students smiling faces... Take that too.  Workouts that bring you calm...Gone. Friends... Can't see them either.  

This should be bringing the boys and I closer together but I fear it's only pushing us further apart.  We argue over everything from food, school work and underwear.  Yes, underwear.  At this point, don't wear any... It doesn't bother me.  

Teaching is something I love most in my life and I'm realizing I'm terrible at teaching my own children.  The looks we give each other sometimes  would scare a grown man.  I've decided, it's to hard or WE don't understand it then we move on.  It's not worth the tears.  

Just yesterday I put together a slide show of pictures that my students families have sent me over the last few weeks (This took me way longer than it should have... ) I'm hopeful that these pictures will put a smile on my students faces.  Reading them a story through the screen or doing a virtual circle just isn't the same.  I want to see them smile, giggle and discover new things.

I've been trying to workout regularly, this absolutely makes a difference in my mood.  Workouts are not the same but since they started streaming live workouts that has defiantly helped. I'm often working out and solving math problems at the same time but for now it works.  

Daily pictures of my new niece Edie also helps a lot.  She is such a sweetie I just want to snuggle her chubby cheeks.  She and I have faceTimed  a few times so she knows her Auntie.  Katie has truly blossomed and found a role that suits her Best.  She's an amazing mama!!! (yes, I bought her that tutu the day I found out she was a girl)

I think the hardest part is just the lack of outside interaction.  I just want to go have dinner with a friend or sit in my classroom after school sharing fun new learning ideas.  

I cook constantly, clean up and try to guide my children through their studies.  It's hard because no one says thank you (They are very polite children this is just different) No one says wow that was amazing. I don't get random drawings to hang on the wall. Or simple I love yous for no reason.  I don't even get the random compliment on my outfit.  Those are the best!  I love the innocence of little love!

Just this morning as we were settling in (The news was on) Noah said to me. "Mom,  how do they know it's not headache medicine.  That always helps me feel better.  Maybe it can save all these people."

Oh my sweet babe, I wish it was just headache medicine.  One of my friends said it best... something to remember when you are mad at that sweet child - he's going to save the world.  Maybe one day.  Only out of the mouth of babes.

Josiah said to me the other night while I was tucking them in and saying our nightly prayers.  "Mom, I think you watch to much news, I can tell by the way you're praying."

Yes my little Love, you are probably right.  This is consuming me and i have to try to pull back.  

So, One day at a time and a lot of prayers right now.