August

 The last few days have felt very heavy.  I wake during the night with a pit in my stomach.  It's a sick feeling that rises into my chest.  My heart starts to pound and I feel complete fear.  Yes, I know... It's my anxiety!  I talk myself down remind myself that I am prepared for this next stage in life.  I have a lot going on this month, I have big emotions and changes are coming whether I like it or not.

Micah is headed to high school in just 10 days.  He is an amazing kid and has such amazing things ahead of him.  I truly couldn't be prouder of him, or ask for a better kid.  He steps up when I need him to help around the house and even with his brothers.  If he sees something that needs to be done, he does it.  And school, he's smarter than I ever was.  I know his future is bright and I am so excited for him... but I'm also scared for him.  I feel like I am tossing him into a huge deep pool.  I just hope I've taught him enough and that he's packed his floaties.  As much as I want to jump in and save him, that's not my job anymore.  I just want him to find his people.

Last week I took him for his physical.  He's now officially taller than I am and I can't believe it.  As we sat in the exam room and Dr. King walked into the room I knew I had to let Micah handle the talking.  Our beloved pediatrician since the boys were babies retired so this was Micah's first meeting with Dr. King.  When he asked Micah about who lived at home I wanted so bad to save him from the question.  But, he handled it like a champ.  It's the tiny things that scare me, and make my mama heart hurt.  

I'm sorry baby boy that I've dropped the ball along the way.  Becoming your mom is the greatest job I have been ever granted.  I've been trusted to love you and guide you.  I am so thankful for you, for your curiosity, your ability to be you.  You have unique interests and a maturity beyond your years.  I Love you!

I have to remind myself (This was shared from another mama) that God knows my Micah and loves him more than I do.  God asks us to grow in some very unexpected and hard ways.  This is just part of the process.  I have to keep reminding myself this.

Josiah is headed to 7th grade, same school as last year, so this feels a little easier.  But I still worry about him.  I know he has a lot of worries for a little guy.  I try my best to keep them calm and reassure him that I'll carry the "heavy stuff" he can handle to little stuff.  This year soccer is really ramping up with three practices a week as well as games.  Watching him on the soccer field is one of my favorite things.  He is amazing and his talent is great.  He feels free and completely worry free on the field.  

Noah is headed to 5th grade.  I'm feeling a little sad that this is my last year at the elementary school.  I guess I'm also shocked.  I started the journey with Micah 9 years ago.  If I think back to the place I was when I was preparing to send Micah to kindergarten it was dark.  I didn't know what turns my life might take.  Here I am 9 years later, Micah is headed to high school, and Noah (who was 2) is in his last year of elementary school.  I don't worry as much about Noah.  He is super outgoing and very social.  Everyone loves him and his spicy personality.  

And then me... At work I've taken on a few additional responsibilities as well as my PreK classroom.  I have not yet received my class list, but I'm already praying over my new 16 tiny best friends.  My assistant from the last 4 years has taken another position outside our school and I have a new assistant this year.  I'm super excited about the journey we are preparing to take on together.  She is actually one of my students moms from last year.  I managed to snag her from another room and she seems excited to be working with me.  I just hope she knows what she's in for.  Change is hard, and extra hard on me.

I have a feeling I'll be shedding a few extra tears the next few months as we all adjust.  I'm praying for grace through this process. I'm also praying for relief from the heaviness.