I feel beyond blessed to be mom to these three incredible boys. They challenge me on a daily basis to be a better, mom, friend, teacher, sister and the list goes on. We have our moments of continuous laughter, uncontrollable tears, joys and fears. I often question my ability to do it all. Am i giving them enough, do i tell them i love them enough. But, i could never give up on striving for more, especially for them!
One of the most painful things i deal with and i can't seem to make go away is my relationship with my parents or lack there of. When i'm emotional i feel sad and want to find blame on myself but when i'm rational i know that this is something completely out of my control. I've reached out I've asked but the constant rejection gets old. This often bleeds into other areas of my life. My goal is to never let my children question where they stand in my life nor question my love for them.
These three boys know how to make more noise, big messes and bring me to my knees but, i wouldn't have it any other way. I was recently asked if i wanted a daughter... If i'm honest i would have loved to have a daughter. Big bows, little dresses, all things girl. I would have loved to create the mother daughter relationship i never had but watched so many of my friends live. I have a fear that my boys will all grow older and marry but gravitate toward their wives family. They usually say girls always go home. That leaves me in a pretty funny situation. But, still i wouldn't have it any other way. I love my boys and know all things dirty, rough and tumble. Look at these smiles, and the way they look at me. I'm their mom and the first person they want when they're sad or hurt.
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