A year ago today i had woken to a quiet home, no children calling my name, no place to be. The boys were with their dad. I clearly remember i was in a mood and not a great one. I had been trying to date for about a year at that point. Yes, i had my fear share of 1st dates. I decided as i laid in bed that i needed an ego boost (Online dating will do that for you within minutes) I began swiping left, left, left rarely every a right. I put the phone down and felt completely defeated. (Now, a little background on my dating style, match with someone chat for a few days maybe weeks and then decide is this someone i actually wanted to give my time to.) Not long after putting my phone down i had a few matches, i looked over them again and questioned what i was thinking. Then i came to my last match. I decided to send him a message. (This dating app Ladies go first) I was kind of a brat and would usually not say more than Hi. I don't really remember what i said to him. But, i remember he responded and pretty quickly. I also remember him suggesting that maybe we should meet for a drink that evening if he could find the time. (Now i'll be honest... If you can find the time!?!?) I was attracted to what little i knew about him, I found him to be handsome and straight forward...i was attracted to the idea of him having children. I then said something along the lines to... IF you find the time what time are you thinking. (I didn't tell him this but i needed to get my butt out of bed and shower)
He then suggested that we meet in the middle. I had never heard of where he lived so i had no clue where the middle would be. I told him to tell me when and where and i would be there. I believe it was later in the evening when we were to meet maybe 7pm. I hate to be late and prefer to always arrive first that way i can choose my seat and get comfortable... He can find me, i don't have to find him. He had chosen the Cellar Door, i left with plenty of time to arrive a little early. But... When i arrived to downtown there was a festival going on and parking was a nightmare. I drove around for awhile finally finding parking in the garage. I was a little flustered because now i was 5 minutes or so late. As soon as i walked in the door i saw him sitting there at the bar. i knew instantly it was him. I sat down to his left and we began to chat. I don't remember if i had one or 2 drinks (he'll swear i only had one) He was even more handsome than i expected and easy to talk to. But, He made me nervous . I'm not sure if he could tell but i remember him placing his hand on my leg which help remove some of my tension. Conversation was easy and i thought he was enjoying himself too.
His daughter was leaving for camp the next morning so it was an early evening. He walked me to my car and i gave him a hug thanking him for the evening. He'll never let me live it down because he says it was the worst hug ever. My response is a simple one, i don't just go getting cozy with everyone (He was lucky he even got a BAD hug). I'm actually very slow to warm up to letting someone in my personal space. I was leaving the next weekend for Michigan with my boys. He was leaving with his kids a little after us also headed to Michigan. I texted him a few times over the next few weeks he always responded but never really seemed interested. I decided i wasn't up for the chase and maybe it just wasn't a good fit.
6 Weeks and 6 days later i sent him a text. I clearly thought about him often and decided to bury my ego and see how he was doing. I asked him how he was and what he was up to... Again he didn't seem interested. I went ahead and made other plans that evening. He then texted me and said what are you doing tonight. I said... Well, if you had asked me 15 minutes ago nothing. He then quickly asked if i was free the next night. (That was a risky move on my part) I clearly was available... i didn't have much going on. The story continues but i'll leave it there...
I am so thankful that a year i decided to walk into the wine bar, get out of my funk and take a chance. I don't know where this journey will leave me or us. Dating as an adult and dating as a parent is completely different and like nothing you've ever experienced unless you've done it. i'm not saying it's better or worse it's a juggling act. Finding time for each other and still being the best parents that you can be is hard but i'm told its worth it in the end. A happier you makes for happier kids (This maybe very hard for them to understand right now) But right after my divorce someone said to me... The more people who can love your children the better. This relationship has taught me so much about myself and me and a mother. It sounds crazy but it's pushed me to be a better mom. When you watch someone you care deeply about give their everything to their children you can't help but want to do the same.
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