As I entered this week I've been a bit emotional. Okay, maybe a lot. This week is the start of a lot of change. First it's my final week of school, second my assistant is not returning next year, next my 40th Birthday and my big baby Micah is graduating middle school and headed to high school. Let's just say I'm not handling this all week especially all at once.
If you know anything about me, you know that I absolutely love what I do each day inside my classroom. My students become an extension of my family. I start praying for each one of them before they even walk through my doors. I get to know each child, their likes their dislikes, what causes emotion in them. They truly let me in and I let them into my heart. I like our routine that we create together. This week is a hard week because I'm so proud of the growth they've made and all the things they've learned because of my love and guidance. Knowing that they wont be walking in my doors is hard for me. For me, this is the hardest part of my job. Saying goodbye to my tiny best friends. I know I'll make new ones but my old ones always hold a special place in my heart.
I have very mixed feelings about the next topic. Laura and I have worked together for the last 4 years, the last 3 have been four days a week. She has been my work spouse, well really my only spouse. She listens and lifts me up when I need her support. We have had so many laughs together. I know that change is necessary I'm just scared for the unknown. I already have my new assistant in place, and I'm hoping we can grow our relationship and become a great team. I'm going to miss Laura, it feels like just another loss in my life.
And then we have my 40th Birthday. I don't think it's the number that's getting me down. I don't feel 40, and I don't think I look 40. I think I had an idea of what my life would look like at 40, and because it doesn't resemble that, I'm struggling. Some days I think I know exactly what I want and other days I want to step back and just take it as it comes. I just need to be positive and embrace 40 and know that it will be my best years yet.
My Micah is officially headed to high school. I can't believe that he is finished with middle school. So many things are coming quickly these next 4 years. He seems confident and ready for this next journey, but it's hard for me to watch. I have complete confidence in his ability. He is an incredible young man. I've seen so much change in him. He's always willing to step up and help me around the house and I truly appreciate him. He sees life though the eyes of a young man and can reason so much better. I'm so proud of all my boys.
Long story short, my days have felt very heavy and lonely. I don't let people in easily, so allowing these feelings to show leaves me feeling very vulnerable. I much prefer the overly confident, you cant and wont hurt me Mary Beth. June 2nd we leave for vacation and that's stirring a whole other mess of emotions. Have I mentioned I don't like the unknown.
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