Well, this morning I got that dreaded phone call from yet another friend. We're likely moving out of state...those were the words I heard on the other end. Of course I asked a few questions to gather more information and then burst into tears. I don't know if I can handle losing yet another friend.
I can be rather stand offish, especially until I know your full and real intentions for our friendship. Letting people into my inner circle can be very hard for me, trusting someone with my secrets and truly trusting that they'll be there for me no matter what comes my way. I created a super safe inner circle over the last 10 years of friends. It wasn't a huge circle but it was my safe circle. Within the last 2 years I've lost 3 of those friends and now the reality that i'm losing more is real.
I can feel myself going into shut down mode just moving my way through life rather than opening myself to the idea of adding to that inner circle. Letting my guard down has been a huge challenge for me, I almost feel as if people can see right thought me. They can see all the bruises on my body and all the terrible words. I much rather just move forward smiling and loving what I do have, my boys and my students. Letting new people in seems terrifying, something I'm not up for.
I finally felt like things were starting to fall back into place with all the changes over the last 4 months. I'm going to choose positive and courage through this...
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