I was undecided if I was going to share this journey I've decided to take. Lets start where it all began, I've always had a strong faith and could NOT have come where I am without it. Through this journey there has not been a minute that I've been alone, I've always been loved by you. You've answered all of my request, not always in my timing but always in yours. But, none the less you've always come though for me. So, 6 years ago I did the only thing I knew how to do, I dropped to my knees and begged for you to make it all okay. The transformation that has come is a beautiful one, one I could have NEVER imagined. You made me more confident, strong and independent than I could have ever dreamed!
The last few years again, I have made a request, I have prayed about this person or people that are meant to be in my life and the lives of my boys. Sometimes I'm completely confused and the picture isn't even clear. But, I know that there is a plan. And, everything I experience is for a greater purpose. The journey and who will be on that journey is unclear. My emotions have been stirring and I'm not sure what I'm feeling. Its very unfamiliar to me. There are days when I breakdown and want you to just answer me, Is this it? My heart is SO guarded in fear of hurt and rejection. I know this won't be easy. So, a few weeks ago I decided to create a prayer journal for my future. For my future husband and even for my future children that won't be mine by blood but by love alone. Trust me, I know that's huge and a huge step. It requires being completely vulnerable.
As I write the prayers and make these requests, I feel complete fear because I know this is going to be hard. But, the upside is I've watched my children accept that moms happiness is important too. I found this the other day and thought it was perfect...
The bond that links your true
family is not one of blood
but of respect and JOY
in each others lives
I hope this reaches someone who needed to hear it. Our stories aren't perfect and our journeys aren't easy but in the end I want you to know you're not alone.
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